Bouncing Back. Tell a New (and better) Story

Let’s look at two different scenarios of how mindset can result in vastly different lives. We have two women with very similar circumstances. Both women are very good individuals, loving and devoted wives. In both cases, the husband walked in one day and asked for a divorce so that he could sail off into the sunset with his secretary. Ouch! I know. That completely sucks and doesn’t sound too terribly unfamiliar does it, as it has been known to happen on occasion.

So in the first case, the woman takes it very badly (as one would expect). She goes into a deep depression, calls all her friends to recount the story of her monster ex-husband. She tells herself that he is just like all men, liars and cheats. She slowly gets back to her life, taking solace from time to time in the tabloid headlines or morning shows that tout the latest story of a hot actress jilted by her no-good husband. For years afterward, she would reliably turn lunch conversation with friends into a vent session introducing new evidence to the no-good-men discussion with gossip of the latest friend or celebrity done wrong. The table topic would usually end on the same “Well, there just are no good men left.”

In the second scenario, the woman also took it very badly (as one would expect). She called in sick, ate pints of Häägen-Daz Chocolate Chocolate Chip ice cream and cried for three days. After three days, she thought to herself, “Good grief, get a grip. I’m not going to let that jerk ruin my life (and girlish figure).” So, she decided to spend her new found time learning to play golf. She went out that very day and bought a set of shiny new clubs and several darling golf outfits and started going to the driving range each evening after work.

You may guess the end to this story, but in case you haven’t, I’ll go ahead and give you the picture. Twenty years later, the first lady was still alone and very bitter. The second lady had a very different outcome. She had met a man at the driving range a month into her new hobby. He was a golf pro.  They ended up getting married and she traveled the world with him on the pro circuit, always staying at the finest resorts all along the way.  Whenever, asked about her first divorce, she’d always reply “Oh yea, it was the best thing that ever happened to me!” I love stories like because it emphasizes the importance of a positive mind in creating a better life.

As always, our stories focus our attention. We tend to want to believe the stories we tell ourselves and look about the world for supporting evidence. Personally, I’ve been on all sides of those stories (except for running away with my secretary, lol), and think its never too late to tell a  new (and better) story. Resilience and blessings!!

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Sandra M Bell
Author of “Lunchtime Joy Magnet” & personal coach