how to be authenticAlright, you may have noticed that my weekly posts ground to a halt for a couple weeks. Big apologies!! First, the good news – I was on my honeymoon. Yes, I got married (and to an amazing man that is every bit my soulmate)!!! And, the honeymoon was a fabulous, carefree, idyllic, nonstop fun-in-the sun romp in St. Maarten. The weather was so perfect. You could sit outside and eat, day or night, and the slight breeze made the constant 80 degrees feel delicious! The waters were that light aqua that sometimes had golden highlights and sometimes light purple highlights, depending on the time of day. I could sit and watch that water for hours – and we did! And oh the sound of the waves – don’t you love the way the ocean can lull you to sleep at night or even in the middle of the day?

But, then we came home and I promptly got the flu – probably got it on the plane on the way home. You know how those planes recirculate that air! I don’t see how people who have to fly all the time stay well. They must build up a fierce immunity is all I can imagine. But, that’s life, right?! There has to be contrast. Otherwise, how could we ever appreciate the good if we didn’t know the bad?  With the flu, I so missed feeling good in my body and gained an overwhelming sense of empathy for those with chronic conditions. It got so bad, the thought came to me that the flu kills a lot of older people and maybe just maybe I might be considered old at this point and a candidate for the worst! It was rough I’m telling you – rough! We so don’t know how good we have it till it’s gone! So when one’s face hurts (your supposed to say – ‘Well, it’s killing me!’) and even your hair hurts and it feels like an alien has hijacked your body and is painfully occupying the space in the most hostile fashion imaginable, what do you think about blogging about? Well, pain – naturally.  Silly! So, that’s what we’re going to talk about today — but, not the pain of the flu (not anymore, anyways).

I want to talk about the pain of not aligning with your authentic self and your soul’s agenda. I can write on this subject for days as an expert because I have vast experience in betraying myself and feeling the painful consequence of it time and time again. You may laugh at that, and I wish it were a joke. Alas, it is the bald truth and the reason this blog exists — to remind me of the only path that matters – being true to oneself. The reason it is so huge is we have memories. We are not only consciousness, which sounds ethereal and out there – and all whoo whoo. How can we grab on to that? But when you put it more succinctly, we have a conscience; it becomes crystal clear. There is an internal guidance system within us that lets us know when we are off base, in any given situation, with our divine design. I see so many people out there in the world that are hurting, and even numb – walking around like zombies.

Why? In this fast-paced world we’ve been conditioned to suck-it-up and just keep pushing, no matter how bad it makes us feel. Keep making that dollar and don’t stop for a second to ask yourself, ‘Will this make my heart sing?’ We don’t take time to listen to the heart, to heal our wounds, or to ask “What are the consequences of these actions on my soul?”.

What’s wrong with this scenario? I’ll tell you. You internalize all these little hurts. They build up. They manifest in your health. They poison your relationships. When you don’t act in accordance with your authentic self the hurts become internalized. We become angry with ourselves. And, it comes out in a multitude of bad ways. We strike out at those we love. We blame and shame others and ourselves. We become addicts. Or, we walk the world dead inside or with an anger that bubbles just under the surface. Eventually, these hurts have to be purged. And, the only way to purge them correctly is to forgive yourself and all others involved. Let go of the past, and from that moment forward start aligning with your heart not your head – by all means not your logical, conditioned head. It’s time to ask the big questions – ‘What does my heart want?’ Life is so short. To get clear on ways in which we may be out of sync with our authentic nature, let’s look at some brutally honest questions.

  • Are you staying in a non-loving relationship or one that you know is no longer right for you just because it seems safe or you are afraid of the unknown?
  • Are you dating someone for any reason other than genuine love and admiration (looks, image, money, prestige, power, security)?
  • Are you in a relationship with someone you can’t trust, but keep thinking that if you do everything right, they’ll eventually see your value, truly love you and stop their cheating? Or, do you think that if you just catch them and confront them, they will change?
  • Do you go to a job that you hate or that makes you feel dead inside, just for the money?  Was it someone else’s dream, not yours? Did you choose the career for the money or prestige?
  • Do you search the TV or internet each night, looking for something, anything, because you have ignored or forgotten your dreams? Have you forgotten how to dream?
  • Do you not speak your mind, but rather hold your tongue a lot. What is keeping you from speaking your truth?
  • Do you feel remorse for times in which you knew you could or should have given to someone you knew was in need, but you didn’t? Do you remember a time you were not so loving? It is in our nature to love and give, and we feel bad about those times in which we didn’t. We hold grief about times we were not loving and we find ways to punish ourselves over it.
  • Conversely, are you giving your time and yourself away to everyone around you but leaving nothing for yourself. You need to be nourished too.

What do you think the consequence to your soul and your body is in compromising your life and your dreams for some sort of faux security? The price is huge. Fear sucks! And, it is the wrong reason to stick with any situation that is not good for your soul. These are messages that are always in the forefront of my mind – that I always want to talk about and share with people. Personally, I’m a million times better at listening to my heart than I used to be and the level of inner peace and joy within is equally as high. Life is too short to compromise yourself. Tune in to your heart. Take a chance on it. The rewards will far outreach the risks. Blessings!

Sandra M Bell